I thought it would be important to post what to say to someone who has endured the pain of a miscarriage..
Things you should say
Do call her and tell her you are sorry for her loss.
Do send her a card or flowers to show you care
Do let her talk as much as she needs to or wants to.
Do give her a hug to let her know you care.
Do offer to help with housework, babysitting or other things that she may not feel up to doing.
Do acknowledge her baby.
It is okay to say I don’t know what to say or I don’t know how to help.
Do call and check up on her. The pain does not go away in a couple days.
So with that posted what else do you think would be appropiate?
What to say when someone you know has suffered a miscarriage..?
Act like she just had a baby and lost it at birth, because in many ways, she did.
Her body is going thru hormone withdrawals (from a pregnant state to a "normal" state) and we all know how hormones alone can make someone emotional.
Plus, she just lost her child, she's afraid, what will happen NEXT TIME?
Can I chance it?
Will it be fair to take the chance?
Some women won't want to talk yet, so just "be there" as "moral support." Say, make dinner and take over or have two or three friends who can pick days to do it for say a week or two, not that she can't, but to let her know your THERE. Not being alone in the world when grieving is so important, even if you don't use them.
Drop her a note in the mail or a "sunny card." Even if she lives in town.
In other words, just be a true friend.
(I have 6 sisters, one alone had 3 miscarriages before having her first of 2 children).
Reply:First off, I would like to say that I am sorry for your loss. It is hard to say anything. A friend of mine lost her baby and we were pregnant at the same time (she was further along) and I didnt know what to say, I felt uncomftorable talking about my pregnancy because I didnt want to make her sad. I just let her know that I was always there for her. I dont see how anyone could think it is funny. I also think that if someone needs space and doesnt want to talk about it, you shouldnt push it. Just let them know that you will be there when they are ready.
Reply:sometimes the best thing to say is nothing.If the person is hurting and reacting badly,it's best to just listen.You may say exactly what they do not want to hear and this is very bad.Just give hugs but don't say anything.
Reply:Sometimes the best thing to do is not to say much of anything, except that you are there for the family as a friend to talk or to do whatever else is needed. I'm sure they don't want your sympathy or you telling them that you're sorry. It's just like reliving it all over again whenever someone says something to you about it. I personally think it would just be harder to hear people come up to me and tell me that they were sorry or that it's ok because you can have another child (which someone did to a friend of mine). I know it will never truly go away and get better and no future child can ever replace the one you lost. It's just nice to have friends that will help you out and maybe help you get your mind off of things, at least for a little while.
Reply:Say "Better luck next time!"
Reply:Ask her out for coffee once she is feeling up to it.
Ask her if she would like to be around your kids or if it's too painful but don't ask her to babysit.
If you share her faith, encourage her to come to services and pray with her privately.
If you do not share her faith, you may still pray but do not mention it to her. This is not the time to witness.
If you have been through a similar experience, let her know but don't dwell on your own pain. It's her turn to grieve.
Let her yell at you if she needs to; anger is normal and she has nowhere to go with it.
Give her the freedom to grieve in her own way. Some women will cry a lot, others will become glued to the tv.
Don't let yourself drift away from her. She will likely withdraw but it's when she needs friends the most.
All these are written for the mother but it is important to realize that the father is grieving as well.
Reply:i totaly agree with you, i had a miscarriage and i know how devastating it is, and im sorry about your loss
Reply:Thank you so much for the info. It must be terrible for you right now. I have a 21 mo son, and I honestly don't know how I would cope if anything ever happened to him. I am truly sad for you, and am grateful to Heaven that you are finding ways to manage your grief that also help others understand how this affects a woman. God bless you in your mourning, and God keep your beautiful Zachary safe till you see him again in Heaven.
Reply:I think you said it very well and I'm deeply sorry for your loss. You have my deepest empathy. Read below link so you'll know my prayers are truly with you.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Reply:You don't have to say anything, You just have to be there.
Reply:I am sorry for both of your losses
.There is not much more to say.
Your thoughtfulness and support would be the best thing for her
Reply:I lost my husband 2 weeks ago. There is nothing anybody can say that will make you feel better. People make offers to help if you need it, but you probably don't know what anybody could do. For me, it is easier when people say, "What are you doing?" instead of "How". A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" and a great big hug. And, keep calling to check on them, don't forget them after a couple of weeks. At first, time makes it harder not easier.
Reply:12 yrs ago, I suffered a miscarriage...I was 14 wks at that point....it took me a while to get over it, but I was able to let go....I became pregnant again shortly after that....I was able to carry it for 19 wks %26amp; lost that one as well....I got pregnant again a few months later %26amp; lost my twin girls....this time I was 26 wks along. I was devestated. Stephany %26amp; Kalie were supposed to be here with me....
I had a good support system...My Ex Husband was there for me...as well as..my Family...%26amp; a few friends....BUT...mentally I wasnt there....I lost what I considered to be the only chance I was ever going to have to be a Mother. I locked myself into my room %26amp;....stopped talking to friends %26amp; wouldnt even communicate with my Ex Husband...I thought it was my fault.
I gave birth to 2 stillborn baby girls...I blamed myself although I did nothing that caused it....Apperantly, both girls were Downs Syndrome babies, which doesnt matter to me...they are my girls.
Alot of people frown upon the fact that 3 wks after I was at a BBQ at a friends house....alot of that time was spent playing the "what if" game.....which kind of helped.....
The Dr. gave me the go ahead to start having relations with my Ex Husband again. %26amp; what do you know....8 wks later...I find I am pregnant again. OMG!....I did EVERYTHING to try to keep this child....but, I lost YET another one at 10 wks. I have had to go to counseling, went to support groups %26amp; went into my own self...I felt like such a failure......
It took another a few months before I would allow my Ex Husband to look at me naked, much less actually touch me...but...soon afterwards...I found out I was pregnant again....I was put into bed %26amp; spent most of the time in the Hospital at the High Risk Pregnancy Center....BUT 9 mo's later....my son, who is now 8.....came screaming into this world on Feb. 7,1998......he was weighed in at 7lbs 4 ozs....%26amp; was healthy........
When he was 7 mo's old.....I found out I was pregnant again....OMG!.....there again....I was put into bed....stayed off %26amp; on at the HRPC....%26amp; gave birth to a baby girl by emergency C-section...due to the cord wrapping around her throat %26amp; her heart rate dropping.....she was a month early, but she weighed in at 6lbs 2 ozs.....she was born June 14,1999....she is now 7.
I have been through ALOT with my daughter since her birth....she was dianosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphomia when she was 13 mo's old...%26amp; I thought for sure that I was going to have another taken from me....but she is in remission now....
I guess what I am trying to say....alot of people grieve in different ways.....when my Uncle (who was like a Father to me) died...I went out that night %26amp; got drunk....drinking one for him...because that is what him %26amp; I did together....hung out %26amp; drank a few beers...went dancing....
I think the woman who lost her child found some comfort being online with some people who could give her some kind words...trust me....we feel like we are in this alone...even though others suffered the loss as well.....I dont for being on here...in fact...I applaud her....she is strong %26amp; will get through this....
All the things that have gone in my life started taking a toll in my Marriage %26amp; I lost a few friends, but now I have 2 beautiful kids...who are my greatest accomplishments......
Yes, life does go on....but there will always be that empty spot...I still grieve for the babies I lost....I grieve for Stephany %26amp; Kalie, but I have Kevin %26amp; Heatherly that I have to live for....
Leave the poor woman alone %26amp; allow her to get through her pain the way she needs too....wether be online....or locked in her room....or whatever makes her not hurt....let her heal....
Reply:I am sorry for your loss and people are just evil sometimes!! I think your suggestions are appropriate and simple enough for anyone with a heart and half a brain to accomplish! Just say SOMETHING even if it is "I don't know what to say...but I am here for you if you need someone to talk to or to just be there for you" rather than saying nothing at all.
At the same time...not everyone handles a miscarriage the same way. Grief is a process that no two people have the same response to. You find comfort through talking about it...some people do not. Some people heal by going through the entire process...some people do not. Regardless, I think the number one thing someone needs to understand is that grief, whichever way you decide to handle it, can not be deemed either a "good way" or a "bad way" of handling it. There is no manual of how to handle grief and no one can judge someone else for the way they choose to handle it.
Also, whenever ANYONE loses ANYBODY people have a tendency to become uncomfortable around them. They think they'll say the wrong thing, they don't know how to react and they just get awkward and uncomfortable around you...that is always my problem. When someone has a miscarriage a huge issue is that many people believe "Well you didn't even KNOW the child, why be so upset?" Again, grief is a unique process. It doesn't matter what the loss is, how significant or insignificant someone else deems it to be...you FEEL the loss and that is what matters.
When I had my first miscarriage my very good friend and I found out we were pregnant at the same time. She was beside herself and felt awkward and awful around me all the time. She never stopped talking to me...but it was just there all the time. I ended up feeling bad for HER for feeling bad for ME and felt terrible that she felt she should have to diminish her own excitement at her child's birth. Whereas, some people WOULD be upset at someone else getting to have their child while you are grieving for a lost child.
Again, everyone handles it differently. There are no universal responses or reactions to a loss of anything important to someone.
Reply:If you don't succeed, try try again!!
Reply:My cousin suffered one too. I didnt really know what to say at first, but when she reached out to me, I just allowed her to talk as much as she needed to, cry as much as she needed to, talk about her connection to the baby as much as she needed to. I accompanied her to her favourite places, and just did as much as I could to comfort her. Supporting someone who's suffered a miscarriage is basically forming a friendship. When friends reach out to friends, everything else comes naturally.
Reply:do tell her that its her destiny to have lost a son. then tell her that its really the painful side of life that you have to endure or pass. but you cant just say that pass. you have to pass that trial that in the end, you will learn a lesson and be a stronger woman in the coming trials.
Reply:I'm so sorry! The cruelty of some people is beyond belief. My heart goes out to you for your loss. A miscarriage is the ripping out of a piece of your heart, along with your dreams and hopes for the future.
When I had mine, I fell in on myself for awhile and saw the world through a blur. I turned to my gods and goddesses at that time. They lent me strength and pulled me together, because I was in no shape to do it myself. My bf of many years was beside himself with grief, and we clung together through it all.
Stay strong for each other. Don't forget to hold each other, tell each other how much you love each other, and do little things for one another.
Those who have not gone through this painful experience do not know the grief and anguish you go through.
It is alright to grieve.It is alright to have fits of anger and depression.
While some people are very cruel, there are those of us who know how you feel and will keep you in our thoughts, prayers and meditations, hoping for your healing.
The pain does not go away. Even after years, it is still there, but it becomes bearable.
Be strong. Blessings to both of you.
Reply:I am sorry for your loss. I am 6 months pregnant. I had friend who suffered a miscarriage earlier this year. It was so depressing b/c she couldn't tell her mother that she was pregnant b/c her mom didn't like her boyfriend. I took her to the hospital and stayed w/her until she was taken to her room in the hospital for the night. The sad thing is our kids would have been a couple of months apart. I didn't want to tell her I was pregnant b/c I thought I was being mean b/c I found out that I was pregnant a couple of months later after she miscarried. You're a strong woman. I talked to friends who had more than one miscarriage and now have 3 kids. You'll be a mother. Your child was a blessing. I wouldn't say anything to that person who posted that b/c some people on here don't have a heart. I asked a question about low income housing and someone made a smart comment and said I should have been on birth control. I deleted the question b/c I thought it was rude. So just overlook ignorant people. Pray and keep the faith. I'm sorry if I said too much I was upset that someone would post a question like that. Well hope this will help, I will keep you in my prayers.
No comments:
Post a Comment