How does this sound!? please edit :)?

So I want to work at this flower shop, but I don't live there yet so i am emailing them asking if they will need help. I want to come across as positive and enthusiastic as i can. I truly do want to work in a flower show and I think it would be so much fun, even if I was doing grunt work... so here is the email, please edit and help me !

Hello!

My name is Jen, and I'm moving to Pacific Grove at the end of May. My family in PG said that your shop had a help wanted sign in the window. I understand if you've already filled the position, but I just thought I'd ask if that or another position would be open in the beginning of June. I am only going to be there for the summer, so I understand if that isn't what you're looking for. I just have to make sure, because I think that working in a flower shop would be an absolutely amazing experience, even if I was answering phones or washing out buckets or whatever you need. I have a lot of customer service experience, and I will be a sophomore in c
How does this sound!? please edit :)?
Suggestions below in ( ). Recommended deletions in [ ].



Hello!

My name is Jen, and I'm moving to Pacific Grove at the end of May. My family in [PG] (Pacific Grove) said that your shop had a help wanted sign in the window (and I am interested in working in your flower shop because that is something I enjoy). I can understand if you've already filled the position (or need to fill the position sooner). I just thought I'd ask if that or another position would be open in the beginning of June. I am only going to be there for the summer, so I understand if that isn't what you're looking for. I just have to make sure, because I think that working in a flower shop would be an absolutely amazing experience, even if I was answering phones or washing out buckets or whatever you need. I have a lot of customer service experience, and I will be a sophomore in college next year. If you need any help and would like my resume or some references please email me back. I [would be] (am) a positive, enthusiastic, and happy employee, and I would love to be a part of your team.

Thank you for your time,

Jen Jones



I would also recommend following up with a phone call. That let's the owner or manager know that you are seroiusly interested in the job and you can ask questions to see if it is really a place you would like to work. Hope this helps. Good luck!!!!
Reply:probably take out the contractions such as "i'm" and change it to "am" as well as the abreviations such as PG and just put pacific grove. just so that this way it looks more professional.

natural instinct